JOKES

1. The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.""I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.""That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
2. A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers
3. The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
4. Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.""I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.""NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"
5. A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this.""What's the problem?" the docotor inquired."Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.""My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor."It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.""So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
6. The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?""Sadness," said the student.And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma."Elation," said she."And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."